The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now. I know this is the part where the end starts.

Everything in my head is so confused. There is alot that I have to think about and I'm not good at figuring out things. I'm better at being confused. There's only one thing I'm sure about in the whole situation: I love Brendon. Sure, he ticks me off sometimes. I tick him off too. But fights and distance have never kept us apart. I love him. I fall deeper everytime I look into his eyes.

And he knows about the situation, and I know it hurt him at first. He knew better than to get worried but he thought that he actually wasn't showing me that he loved me enough. I got about twenty "I love you"s before I was allowed to hang up the phone. But we adjusted and now...note number two...and I don't know what to do. Hey that rhymed I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! HEHEHEHEHHEHEHHEHE Ok,....serious Erin again.

But yeah, so note number two. I don't understand. You cannot fall in love that quickly. It takes time. It always takes time...but I guess I'm wrong about that. I just...I don't know.

And how are (you know who you are) you going to lose me? I'm not going anywhere.

One thing did upset me. If you honestly care about my happiness then you wouldn't be saying "I hope her boyfriend breaks her heart". What is that? That isn't caring about my happiness...that's either just jealousy or your way of punishing me for not choosing you, which is wrong and you know it, I know you do.

I just, I have a crapload to think about. And I admit it, yeah, I'm confused, sometimes I'm upset. But I'm okay. I don't know whether or not I'm supposed to feel like the bad guy here or the victim or the innocent bystander or...or...WHAT for the love of god???????????

Sorry. I'm so sorry