Friday, May 29, 2009

Aw, you guys are so sweet

Amanda and Ben are atleast. They made me smile. See, I don't actually see myself as a nice person. Now, I'm going to ask something else of you. And if you do it, I need you to do it and pretend that I don't have feelings when you do ok?

I want you to evaluate my faults. What do I do that you see as wrong? What cracks are in the foundation that is me? Am I stubborn? Do I have an easy to set off temper? Am I too dramatic? Am I sensitive? Am I easy to hurt? Evaluate my faults. Do it NOW

Thursday, May 28, 2009

An evaluation of Erin Howie (Nick, Ben, Amanda, Lisa READ)

"I don't see how anyone couldn't like you."
"When I met you I just wanted to tell you everything."
"When I first met you, I liked you right away."
"You aren't hard to get to know at all."

I have heard these and variations of these statements all my life. Why people feel that way towards me, I have no idea. I don't know what it is about me. I would like you to tell me, each of you, Nick, Ben, Amanda, Lisa and anyone else who follows this blog that can call themselves my friend, to evaluate me.

What did you feel when you first met me?
Am I hard to get to know?
Do I "wear my heart on my sleeve"?
Am I easy to talk to?
Evaluate me as a person, my personality, everything, what is your evaluation of Erin Howie?


Sometimes, I think I'd have been better off without the pain, but every step, even the painful ones that left me bleeding, every last step was toward you. I just didn't realize, never once. And, he, M.S.C, led me every step of the way, I just didn't know it was him. That whisper in the wind. The invisible arms that held me together when all I wanted to do was fall apart. He may have left the earth, but he never once left you. Honey, he had to go, because he knew he had a more important job, to lead a very broken girl to a better life. With you.

Purumupanqui (or "moo" for short)

If you don't know about the title. Ask me if you can see "moo". I'll tell you his story then and if you're lucky, I'll let you touch him.

Anyway, my uncle called last night and my mom called me into the living room and she made it sound so serious. I seriously thought we were about to have the sex/alcohol/drugs/boys are stupid talk but she just wanted to tell me what my uncle was planning for me. He plans to take me:
~ Out on Lake Norman
~ To the Beach
~ To Carowinds (If you've never been there go here)
~ To the Mountains
~ Taking me to the bar
~ Taking me out to eat

And much more. I'll be alone at the house on the weekends, but don't worry. They have two huge dogs and one little dog AND a FREAKING SECURITY SYSTEM. Yeah, I'll be protected.

I'll be gone for fourteen days exactly. We leave on the sixth of July, go down to my dad's side of the family to celebrate my dad's birthday and pick up my little sister, then on the eighth, they're leaving me with my uncle and they leave North Carolina entirely. Then i go back home on the eighteenth. Soooo...are you gonna miss me? Are you? ARE YOU?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


So, I'm reading "The Lovely Bones" and its about this girl who gets molested, cut up into pieces and yeah, but her soul leaves her body and she goes to Heaven. And it got me thinking, how do I see heaven?

When I was little I always used to think that when you prayed, there were angels answering telephones up in heaven. I know its stupid and yeah I know....I'm cute.

Heaven is supposed to be the ultimate paradise. When I think of heaven, I think of golden roads and beautiful buildings. I think about how you get whatever you want as soon as you desire it. Puppies and icecream and there is never any pain in heaven and everyone is happy and is singing and dancing. You can do whatever you want and the roads never end. I always thought you started off as just an angel and then you get promoted up and soon enough, you could be a guardian angel and you could go back down to earth and protect people, that you could even show your self once in awhile to someone you know really needs you. I mean, why not, Jesus could do it. WWJD, what would jesus do, he'd show himself to the people he loves (I guess technically that's everyone) I also think that you could sit on a cloud and just watch people.
Brendon's grandparents are super religious and he told me that there are no relationships in Heaven but I don't believe that. I believe that while in Heaven you can be with whoever you want and no one gets jealous or protective. Because if Heaven is the ultimate paradise then I'm sure that if you want to be with someone, you're allowed to be with them.

I don't know, I probably just sounded like a severe dork but that's what I think when I think of heaven. What do you think when you think of Heaven?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

How many embarassing things can I do?

FML FML FML Ugh, I pretty much fail at life. I dumped my tray all over FML FML FML
FML FML FML the place in the cafeteria. It was so embarassing. And that's FML FML FML
FML FML FML not even the worst that I have done this week. I love being FML FML FML
FML FML FML embarassed beyond belief and then having your "Friends" FML FML FML
FML FML FML pick on you about it. I love "friends" in general. Ugh. Ok. FML FML FML

If you stare at that long enough, the 'm' starts to look backwards.

And if you're ever lonely, you don't have to be. After all its only a beat away from you to me

So, you all are going to miss me. Or, you'd better. I'm not going to be around at all for the majority of July. First week I'm going down to Virginia Beach with the family. Second week, I'm going down to North Carolina to stay with my Uncle for a week. Third week I have band camp. CRAP, I don't have enough time to type anything else.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

A quick list of injuries I have accumulated in two days

Injury: A concussion
Caused By: Impatient Customer's voice
Date it Happened: Friday
Details: I was going beneath the giant, thick, wooden cut outs of the football players at Pigskin Panic to get the footballs so I could color code them (its a thing I do when I have no customers that actually gets me kudos) Anyway, apparently this guy was standing there for awhile and obviously I didn't see him so as I'm bent over picking up the footballs, he screams "MA'AM!" I jolt up, and smack my head off the CORNER of that huge @$$ peice of wood. Even now, I still have trouble focusing my eyes.

Injury: Bloody Knuckles
Caused By: Flying Basketball
Date it Happened: Friday
Details: I was trying to keep the basketball from hitting the kid...stuck my hand out to hit the ball, ended up basically punching the ball. Need I say more.

Injury: Roughly around Eleventy Million Five Hundred Zillion Fifty Million Trillion Five Hundred Million Two Bug bites
Caused By: ...Bugs?
Date it Happened: Both Friday and Saturday
Details: Poor bug spray spraying skills + a lake behind my game. Put two and two together

Injury: Multiple Cuts and Bruises
Caused By: Lifting/dropping things while helping Brendon move his mom
Date it Happened: Today
Details: You don't need any if you really know how much of a klutz I am.

Injury: Puncture Wound in Hand
Caused By: Sheer Idiocy
Date it Happened: Today
Details: I was helping to hang up some prizes at the one game and we had to put flash hooks in them and I missed the bear and stabbed my hand.

Injury: Shot Blood Vessel in the ...hold on a minute....LEFT eye
Caused By: Dadblame Allergies
Date it Happened: Today
Details: I'm allergic to whatever the heck is in bloom, scratched my eyes alot like ALOT ALOT and well you can guess the rest.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Random Quotes, Sponspored by Northern Lebanon Classrooms

(just for the record, what Mr.Hess said may or may not be right because I don't remember exactly what he said, just that I didn't understand any of it and neither did anyone in the class. Except CJ, but he understands everything)

Mr.Hess: The numerator is your root and the denominator is the power you take it to.
Entire Class: *silence for about two minutes*
Tyler: idea what you just said

And you wanna know what Mr.Hess did then? He repeated the exact same sentence again, like we'd understand it the second time. Don't get me wrong, Mr.Hess is hands down the best Math teacher at our school, but that was just funny.

Now, lets visit fitness and weight training

Mr.Beiver: Howie, you're next
*Shannon goes, holds on for like two minutes*
Me: *is so short I have to jump to get to the bar, holds on for one second and then falls* Fail *walks off*

Jenna Klopp's Boyfriend (his name escapes me): Find someone on their team that's little.
Me: *whispering* I'm the littlest person on our team...

I'd add more but I'm having a brain sh!t (nope not a brain fart, a brain sh!t)

As far as the seizure goes, if it happens again, I'll get myself scheduled for an EEG (Electoencephalogram), as exciting as having to stay up for twenty four hours before hand, getting a bunch of electrical things stuck to my head and then having some kind of waves go through my brain, sounds, I'm not too thrilled about having to go, if I have to that is.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

So...Last night

I only went to bed around one or two and I was severely stressed out because of things that happened between me and Brendon (surprise, surprise, right?) And, I have always been slightly epileptic, not to the point of a whole body spasm and me peeing on the floor and biting through my lip (that's a Grand Mal seizure), but have what are called "simple or partial" seizures. Which basically means, its only one movement that I can't control. Its usually my legs, they just start twitching uncontrollably. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. I'm just super tired afterward, its a side effect of any type of seizure.

What my point was, last night between fifteen minutes and a half an hour after I went to sleep, I woke up violently seizing, a whole body type thing. It passed pretty quickly, I think it had been going on awhile though, because all my muscles are severely tense along with my jaw and I am having trouble even keeping my head up in class. I've slept through period 2-4/5 and I'm barely functioning now. I don't know what sparked it and I'm really scared, because I just woke up and I was really shaking bad and it wasn't because I was cold, my house was hot as BALLS last night. I was shaking real bad and when it stopped I was all out of breath and it felt like I had just sprinted the mile, SPRINTED. I don't know if I'm getting my point across but I was severely tired and severely sore. When I got up this morning every muscle was sore and my jaw was really sore, it hurts to talk, which makes me think that one of two things was happening:
1.) My mouth was going too (seizing)
2.) I smacked my face off something and that's what woke me up.

You'd think if it were the second one I would've waken up with some cry but no, I just jolted awake like someone had just started blowing a trumpet in my ear and discovered that I was having a seizure.

My head feels so heavy, along with my eyes and it hurts to move because my legs are the sorest out of everything. My shoulder is hurting really bad and so are my arms. Ugh... if that wasn't a seizure, then I don't know what was. I knew I was slightly epileptic but I never assumed I'd have one like that, that sounds like a Grand Mal Seizure. I'm not sure what made it start because its obvious I was asleep when it started. So, I don't know. Stress, the enormous amount of emotional stress most likely.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Until mine is the only face you see, I'm going to stand out, until you notice me

Lovey dovey header, when I am in an FML sideways, in the butt hole, doggie style, more like RML (rape my life) yeah... I hate everything right now. One of my best friends might be leaving me. My boyfriend's an idiot and so are his friends. (I love being called b!tch for no apparent reason by Tyler) I love having people who haven't even once touched one of my stories say that my writing is bad. I just love(hate) everything right now and I'm working myself into a bit of a depression. Or a deep angry/sad/just meh/fml feeling. If that's not depression then it is angadjehfml. Yup.

D'une manière ou d'une autre, ensemble est où nous tous les deux appartenon.
Si nous écoutons nos coeurs, nous trouverons que nous ne sommes jamais distants lointain.
Peut-être l'amour est la raison pour laquelle.
Si un mur vient entre nous, trop haut pour s'élever, trop dur coupure à travers.
Je sais que l'amour nous mènera. Trouvez une manière de amener j'à vous.

That took me the whole dadblame period to get right and its probably still not right.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Crimson Sorrow

Its probably because of the fact that I'm writer and I unitentionally sound poetic at times when I'm being super emotional. I don't know. It was a theory

That was something I said to Nick last week that I felt like sharing with you.

Ok, so in chapter am I on anyway.......*checks* In chapter FOUR, two more people die. People who you didn't get a chance to become attached to. Don't hate me, its supposed to be a heart wrenching book, at times. Once Amaranth and Amya finally reach each other it does get pretty funny, because they pretty much hate each other at first. They do fall in love but it takes awhile, I don't believe in love at first sight so none of my stories have that.

Love comes gradually it takes time to build up a relationship with someone. I believe in Lust at first sight (Robert) but not love at first sight. You can't love someone until you know enough about them. That's my philosophical talk for the year. I'm sorry but I'm not Nick or Ben. I am a little frightened of being open about my opinions because I worry if others will agree with them. I care too much about how people feel.

Friday, May 15, 2009

She keeps repeating all that she needed, she says she's right here but she seems so distant.

Do you even notice? Seeing her cry, does it compel you at all to say your sorry? She's wrapped up in a blanket of lies and broken promises that no one ever meant to keep, yet she leaves herself so wide open. Do you care? Do you care at all that you're hurting someone who despite everything she's put through, she keeps herself wide...WIDE open, with welcoming arms held out to you even after you throw her down on the ground. Battered and bruised she gets up again and though shaking, she raises those arms to you once more. She smiles through the pain, she picks herself up off the ground even when it feels like her final breath is gone. She feels like she can't make it on her own. She won't leave you, never no matter what you do. And even knowing that, you'll push her again and again, knock her down time after time again. Its a never ending vicious cycle. never ending...never ending...until she really does take that last breath. never ending. Spare her three last words, I love you. That's all she ever says no matter what you do to her. Never ending...

The emoness of my own mind sometimes scares me. That all would make a good poem. It was deep was it not? Don't worry, I'm not a cutter or suicidal, that was just random sentences that I threw together and it was a burst of inspiration...weird inspiration but inspiration nonetheless.

So apparently, once again, I've done something cute unintentionally...I got a cheerleader tryout flyer and apparently its really cute that I want to try out....I don't know why...but apparently I'm cute. I got "Awwww" from each person who ripped the paper out of my hand and tryed to find out what it was.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Another Clever Word Sets Off Unsuspecting Hurt.

Sometimes I seriously just wonder what happened to us. Where did I go wrong by you? Huh? I never did anything wrong to you. I was there for you through it all, and once upon a time you came to me when you got hurt. I never gave you a reason not to trust me. Assuming how I'd react just proves that my own 'friend' knows nothing about me. It also makes an @$$ out of you and me. Once upon a time, you were my friend. I don't know what you are any more but its not a friend. I don't know what you are and I don't know why I still feel so attached to you, my 'sometimes friend'. I'm done with letting people in so easily. I'm done with being so open. Everytime I let someone knew in, I'm giving someone else a way to hurt me because I'm so quick to become friends with people. I'm shutting down, dropping walls that had never been there before because even after the tons and tons of crap that I have put up with in my life that I wouldn't even tell YOU...I left myself so open. Left my heart on my sleeve. And all its done there is bleed. I was told if you are like that, no one would ever hurt you, you'd be protected...I was so misled. So we can officially call the walls closed. I'm done with being hurt by people who told me they'd always be here for me. I'm tired of being repeatedly kicked when I'm already down on the ground. Have you any idea what you're doing to me? No, you don't because you don't take the time out of your 'busy' life to pretend to care just for a little while. I'm tired of kissing up to everyone after a fight that wasn't my fault in the first place. I'm not doing it anymore. Leave...I don't care anymore because you obviously don't.

If you have no idea where this is spawning from, its not about you.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I was a trooper

Atleast that's what David told me. I have a deathly fear of needles and I gave blood. I had a panic attack before, but atleast I didn't walk out like Steph Monk did. I was coming back from the bathroom and she comes out the door squealing "I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it." I sat there, watched other people get lanced and I didn't run away. I panicked. But I didn't run away. I actually brought Brendon down to hold my hand and he stayed because he thought watching the blood come out of my arm was cool, plus he liked getting out of class. I thought the blood coming out of my arm was nasty...ewww....

Ben wants me to write an autobiography. there are a number of reasons why I'm not gonna do that.

Reason #1.
There is absolutely nothing, nada, rien, nichts, niente, niets, ничего ,τίποτα special/interesting about my life.

Reason #2.
No one would buy it because it'd be over a hundred pages about a normal, boring girl with a normal life and a normal family who goes to a normal school and has normal friends (okay, that one is a lie, my friends are far from 'normal') and has a normal boyfriend and does normal things that all normal people do.

Reason #3.
I'm pretty sure no one cares about what's happened in my life. I haven't had any too tragic events other than almost drowning trying to save my little sister when I was fourteen, on that day I had a run in with my faith...but trust me, that probably didn't spark anybody's interests. Other than that, all I have is my great grandmother's death and a couple other things I'd rather not mention on here. But yeah, no one cares, you probably just yawned. Am I right? I knew I was.

Reason #4.
My own life doesn't interest me, so how do you think the book would be if even I really didn't put any heart into it?

Reason #5
haha, I accidentally put six the first time....I can't even count. Wow. There's a reason for you.

Reason #6
I was apparently very eager to get to this number. Reason number six is the fact that my opinions on things are very biased and if I wrote a book about them, I would probably be massacred within the first day it went on sale. I have a very strong opinion on alot of topics that people wouldn't agree with such as love, religion, abortion, sexuality, and the like. And I make it impossible for you to win an arguement with me (ask my boyfriend we fight all the time...he never wins...ever....) so I know people wouldn't take well to that. And...I'm too young to die.

That's my list of reasons, do with it what you will.

By the way, Nick, I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked the banner!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

County Band and other random topics

I was sixth chair FIRST CLARINET. I had a blast at county band. We got breaks every so many hours and at the first break, me and Anna went into the cafeteria and they had a vending machine and I was like "What should I get...HOLY F*CK a BROWNIE!" Yeah, I guess you had to be there. And later, I found out they had a vending machine with JUICE BOXES! ....I love juice boxes. So I bought one for me and one for Anna and she took them out and she was trying to say "look, two juice boxes" but it came out as "Look, JEW JUICE BOXES." And, I'll never let her live that one down. My response was pretty hilarious.

Erin: Does that mean only jews can drink out of them? I wanna be a Jew!

Yeah, again, you had to be there.

It was kind of upsetting when it came around to actually performing because no one, absolutely NO ONE showed up to see me. Not my mom, not my dad, not my boyfriend, not any of my friends, no one showed up to see me, the first year I make county band and no one shows up to see me. What the crap is that?

Today is mine and Brendon's Year and A Half anniversary

Well, in other news, I started working on Crimson Sorrow, and you guys are going to love Matthew, he's so cute, you have no idea. I'll give you a glimpse of what's to come, with some of Matthew's soon-to-be most memorable lines.

Amaranth: Just for you, we'll have to think of a nickname. What do you want to call me?
Matthew: *smiles mischievously* flower. I'll call you flower.

Sarah: Will you marry me?
Matthew: Ew, no you're a girl.

Friday, May 8, 2009


That's really all I have to say. I have so many feelings right now, confusion, hurt, anger, depression...I can't handle that many emotions at once. It makes me crazy. On top of the whole stupid thing with my stupid boyfriend. I have a crappy home life right now and I just CAN'T do this anymore. I can't! I can't! I can't! I can't! I can't! I can't!

I want to take a break, because by taking a break I think he'll realize how much he actually needs me. He freaks out when I even mention taking a break, so if we were to actually take one, if he's sincere, and he really actually loves me, he'll be a mess. I think he needs the break to find out he needs me more than he's letting on. I'm just afraid that if we do, he's going to realize the opposite....that he doesn't need me.

Ugh, it all depends on how prom goes tonight. Hopefully, it goes well, we realize that we can't be without each other and it all falls back into place. But if not, we'll take a break, see where things go from there. I hate this.

I hate this

I hate this

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Ah, Crimson Sorrow questions

Yes, I'm actually going to answer your questions in another post. Wanna know why? Because if I had answered in a comment that would have made THIRTEEN comments! I can't handle that.

So, they are rescuing more people?
Yes, well, in a sense, the people are escaping on their own. Lucille guides them on their way. (You'll learn more about Lucille later, she is a "Sinner" like the rest of them but she lives in the States.)

Will they have enough room?
I couldn't help but giggle at this question. Aman-da...they're in Australia, I'm pretty sure its impossible for them to run out of room in Australia.

How do they keep getting supplies?
Oh, you'll see.

Is there a reason they don't grow their own food?
Yes, you'll see...

Are there guards at the stores? And if so, how do people get past them.
No, but they are highly surveilanced. The government doesn't believe anyone would want to do anything wrong, like steal, because it is considered a "sin" and death is the punishment. So, they are pretty easy to break into. They are just like stores today. Stores today don't have guards.

What is the Underwater Highway and how does it work?
It is litterally what it is, a highway underwater, left over from a past war that the goverment erased from the history books so no one knows about it, except Amya and the "sinners". It works from trees planted on the ocean floor and hydro powered vents that recycle the air given off by the trees.

Going along with the topic of Crimson Sorrow, in the next chapter you get to learn about the new runaways, a family of four, with two sons, named Wyatt and Matthew. The second brother's name is bolded simply because I named him after someone very important who touched alot of lives. He'll have a big part, not huge, about the same size as Sarah's probably (Who's part lasts throughout the book, atleast until a certain point...) He'll be a strong secondary character. His brother probably won't..

In other news, I signed up for the blood drive... period 4/5 and I'm already scared. It says on the paper that I'll be giving enough blood to save three lives. HOW MUCH BLOOD DOES IT TAKE TO SAVE THREE LIVES???????????*hyperventilates* I'm letting you know now, anyone who will be there when I get it done....I cry....before they take the needle out.....

I don't handle needles well.

and I'm giving blood....

this better get me some brownie points in Heaven.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


She was awake, but laying down on the bottom bunk of a camper bed. She couldn't get up for fear of waking the child asleep in her arms and the two other women sharing the bed with her. This child, a young girl of about five years of age, was a runaway who lost her mother along the way. Her name was Sarah, she'd been with them a year now.

Now, there were an enormous amount of runaway children without parents here. No one person took the job of caring for a motherless child, they all cared for each other. Last night, this child was too afraid to be left alone and no one wanted a fussy child in their bed. No one, that is, except Amya.

Amya ran her fingers through Sarah's long, chesnut brown hair. She relaxed and closed her eyes, she didn't need to start the wake up call yet...

Someone started banging on the door. Amya groaned loudly and gently pushed the child off of her. So much for sleeping in. She adjusted her shorts and shirt that she had worn to bed. She opened the door and grimaced at the middle aged man standing there. "What is it, Robert?" She asked, even though groggy, her voice was beautiful.

Robert smiled deliriously. "We're turning on the underwater highway again." He said.

Amya stopped rubbing her face. She looked at him in disbelief. "No..." She said smiling. "We haven't had any runaways since Sarah!"

Robert smiled. "Lucille called this morning. There are five of them. A family of four and another man, traveling alone." He said.

Too excited, to even be suspicious, Amya rushed to arise everyone. People crawled out of their cardboard boxes and stumbled out of their campers and trailers. The motherless children flocked to one adoptive mom or another. The cooks started up the food trailer. Amya soon felt Sarah's little hand slide into hers. Amya smiled and picked the little girl up, balancing her on her hip.

She was thrilled. They had been running low on food supplies and the escapees knew the prerequisite to getting on the underwater highway: they had to break into a store and steal as much food as they could carry.

They had their own water purification system set up, so water was never a problem, once in awhile, a few brave people would go back over the states and trash a store. They were smart about it though and no one ever got left behind.

Amya carried the little girl to the food trailer and set her down with an adoptive mother with about five other little ones clinging to her. Amya smiled at the woman whose hair was golden blonde, a result of the amazing amount of sun they all got. "Think you can handle another one, Hannah?"

Hannah had been with them the full ten years. Amya was thirteen when she ran away, when she discovered the underwater highway, most likely left over from a war in the past that the government had erased from the history books. She decided as she rode through it, that she was going to prove that the government no longer ruled the world.

So she started going on supply trips and people followed her, soon they weren't supply trips at all, they were rescue missions.

In the first two years, their numbers increased by the hundreds. One little girl led hundreds of people to freedom, in only two years.

There were deaths, family members that had to be left behind. Amya tried not to dwell on the losses, but rather use them as reasons to fight.

Now, ten years later, their numbers exceeded the thousands. They were a force not to be reckoned with.

Amya cleared her throat. "My friends, we're reopening the highway once more. We have five new runaways!" She said with a smile on her face so big it almost hurt.

Everyone cheered and began talking excitedly.

Amya smiled and linked her arm with Robert. "Let's do this, let's go make history once more."

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Hehe, its a cute smiley. So, if I can somehow get on Max's good side (which I intend to do with a ton of flattery and cookies) I'm going to ask (ok, more like beg on bended knee) for him to take me to get my very first tattoo done on my seventeenth birthday. I already know what I want (a rose), where I want it (front part of my shoulder) and where I want it done (chuck's). I just need the person over eighteen to accompany me and he's the one person I think I could get to do it.

Ok, so about this rose, I'm having an arguement with myself over whether or not I should get it dedicated to Matthew, someone I never personally knew, but touched a person I truly care about (even though apparently I don't treat him good enough) very deeply. I'm told that Matthew wouldn't have just liked me, he would've loved me. I don't know, because I don't want to offend anybody by getting it dedicated to him.

Huuuuh decisions decisions.

Ok, so what I'd like to discuss today are victory dances, fake nails, and....peepee?

Victory dances:
Do you have one? I love people's victory dances. I work at hershey park, and when people win my game (rarely does that happen) they have victory dances...there has been alot of butt smacking, hip thrusting and much much more going on. We all have one, mine is pretty hilarious, I jump up and down and scream and its probably really cute when looked at from someone else's eyes. I just think I look like a dork. So, what's your victory dance.

Fake Nails:
The chick in this class has fake nails and I can't stand hearing her type. It makes me want to kick a puppy.

ummmmmmm not sure how that got in here.

Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, do not try to exit the car while the ride is still in motion and remember not to pee on the ride because then I have to clean that crap up....pee up....WHATEVER *click*

me: WOW SOMEONE'S IMMATURE *throws phone*

Ok, here's what really happened:
"WHATEVER" *hangs up*
me: B!TCH! *throws phone*

its only funny looking back at it now.

Monday, May 4, 2009


We're up to five, which means I've had one about every period so far except for period 2 which I suspect that was only because my most severe one was in Chorus, period 1. I had some minor scale ones in band and creative writing. I had one in lunch, which was pretty minor scale, its just the fact that I was eating that made it worse because I started choking on my cookie. :'( I've been pretty ok since lunch though but I'm waiting for the next one to strike.

Crimson Love

That's the title of my story. So, for all the worry warts that I know, I want you to navigate away from this page immediatly. I mean it, I don't need you reading this and calling 911 thinking I'm dying. You know who you are....leave...I mean it...I MEAN IT

Ok, now that they left (hopefully), I can talk to all you non-panickers. First period, I had what would probably be the equivalent of an asthma attack, only a bit more severe. It was chorus, and I could not quit coughing and then my throat closed up...which was the most frightening part...I couldn't get any air in at all, so I'm sitting there, in the middle of chorus...turning purple...while everyone else sang "I will survive"....ironic, much? And the only people that noticed that i was pretty much dying were Anna and the girl on the other side of me. Since first period I have had about.....three more mini-attacks like that one.

I swear to god if Mr.Panic Attack is still reading this, I'm going to kick your butt.

Friday, May 1, 2009


Being convinced a week early that prom is going to suck....- pricelessly depressing

I'm so tired of being treated like crap from people who keep telling me they care. I don't know what to do anymore. I tell them the truth but by doing that I am "leading them on" and "being a tease". So, I tell them a lie, then they freak out and beg me not to go. I know there's a phsycological reason behind the reason I get treated this way, so I know I shouldn't get upset. But when he tells me he's sorry for treating me this way, all I see is red because I know he doesn't mean it, emotionally or phsycologically. He never will, apparently until I give him what he wants and I'm confused and he isn't giving me any time and I just I don't know. It hurts too much, everything hurts too much. Too much hurt at once and I can't take much more despite how resilient I pride myself on being.

And apparently he's still mad? Because I stood outside his chemistry class waving forever and not once did he even look my way, and I know he knew I was out there. I didn't leave until Pavlis got all up in my face saying "Get to class." I'm SO glad I got switched to Saner