Saturday, January 31, 2009

A loner longing for the cadence of her last breath

I am so glad that Nightwish got a new female singer, I personally like the sound of the new songs better than the old one's with the woman with the phantom of the opera high pitched voice.

Nothing new today that wasn't new yesterday. All the same old song and dance. That's a song.

Song Lyrics:
Cadence of Her Last Breath by Nightwish (THE BEST BAND EVER)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

No pain in sight, you're like perfection

Ugh. This day went from worse to the day from H-e-double freaking hockey sticks. If there were an escape button to life today I would've punched it through the wall or desk or keyboard or wherever the F*** it would be. This day was undoubtedly the worst ever. First my boyfriend jokes about having a tumor, who the f*** does that? And then I realize I have a poopload of stuff to finish for creative writing including my stinken jumble story which I have yet to even begin THINKING ABOUT, and I have to do another prompt and those prompts are hard as concrete no better yet, they are hard as steel. And I got a little "friend" today who is only supposed to visit once a month but he decided he wanted to come twice this month because he's just a jerk like that, and now I have to call my "Special" doctor to ask if that's supposed to happen and nobody at hershey is answering their frigging phones and there's like fifty people who want to borrow my dresses for sno-ball which I'm not even going to and ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and yeah, that was all one really huge run on sentence and I'm too frigging stressed out to even care.

Sober by Pink (again)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

All eyes on me, center of the ring, just like a circus

I love that song. Its the one song that saves me from having all the Thoroughly Modern Millie songs stuck in my head. I used to love the songs and now its like OH MY GOD I have to sing that AGAIN???!?!?!?!? Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly (ugh thoroughly...that word is a huge part of my vocabulary as of late) enjoy every practice. I have never been thrilled that there wasn't practice anyday. When she only wants certain people in a scene and I'm not one of them, I'm actually disappointed. I have alot of fun with it. But yeah, anyway, "Circus" by Britney Spears (yes, I listen to Britney Spears, bite me) is the one song I don't mind having stuck in my head all day. I randomly start dancing to it if its stuck in my head.

"There's only two types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe
well, baby I'm a put on a show kind of girl, don't like the back seat, I gotta be first.
I'm like the ringleader, i call the shots.
I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot.
When i put on a show, I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage.
Better be ready, hope you feel the same
All eyes on me, center of the ring, just like a circus
When I crack the whip everybody gonna trip, just like a circus
Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do
Everybody let go we can make a dance floor, just like a cicus"

If you couldn't tell already
Song Lyrics:
>CIRCUS by Britney Spears

When the thorn bush turns white that's when I'll come home

I got to witness a lover's quarel today in chemistry. The sad thing was that was the highlight of my day. I am a loser. I slept through history, there has yet to be a day that I haven't atleast slept through part of it. Mrs.Kriston flipped on Steph today for reading in class and I always read in that class, so i quickly shut my book and pretended to be working on the worksheet in front of me even though I already had the worksheet finished. I am considering taking spanish 3 and 4 together next year. I'll take one online and the other in school, i have to talk to Darrup about that.

Song Lyrics:
"Full Moon" by The Black Ghosts

Monday, January 26, 2009

The quiet scares me because it screams the truth.

Have you ever taken one of your old year books and wondered whatever became of that girl in second grade that you never saw again? Well, the wonders of myspace never cease to amaze me. It has a way of making old friends become friends again but it also has the knack of forcing someone's unwanted company on you. But that's where this nifty little "Block this user" button comes in! Anyway, I was looking up Natasha Young, any of you people from Fredericksburg Elementary remember her? She like disappeared from the face of the earth. Well, i found her on myspace. Oh my gosh, she has gotten so pretty and she is really thin. The only way i knew it was her was from her face. She still has the same face as she did in that second grade picture, but she's just really really pretty. Anyway, after I discovered that I could find people this way I began looking up everyone in my year book that I didn't ever see again after elementary school. I found my book buddie, Seneca (i hated her, she was a snooty little first grader at the time), she still looks the same. and I found Britney Ealy, I couldn't stand that chick, she still looks exactly the same and hasn't grown or matured an inch.

That was the only exciting thing I did all weekend. I have a very sad life.

Song Lyrics:
"Sober" by Pink

Friday, January 23, 2009

Take all my pieces of doubt and let me be what's underneath

Brendon's great grandmother fell, he went to see her today. I hope she's alright, I've already been through that. My great grandmother passed away this summer. It was hard. I hope she's alright though.

So I just read Deavan's character writing post. That was take your breath away wow. She's really good!

I'm not going to Sno-ball, no matter what anyone says. I'm saving out for Prom. I can not afford a dress at the moment but I start working in april, so I should be able to buy a dress for prom. Yes, my parents are now making me pay for my own dresses, shoes and my hair appointment when it comes to a dance. A bunch of us are thinking of getting a limo this year because it's the last year for the Seniors in "us" and the rest of "us" to do something crazy together. (All of us being in musical together probably classified as crazy. If you had any idea how many times we've ticked off Alyssa Fellows already you'd know why.) But yea, no Sno-ball for little Erin. It seems like alot of people aren't going. Probably saving out for Prom like me.

Oh well, that's enough for now.

Song Lyrics:
"Courage Is..." by The Strange Familiar

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Someday I will wake up and realize I made up everything

One, two, three, four, five. Five. That is the number of E's that Were in the title of this blog. This is nuts on my first day of creative writing (Which mind you has TWO e's in the name) he gives us this crazy assignment. Writing an ESSAY of two hundred words without a single e. I have 149 words so far and it was sooooo difficult. Oh my god. I just need fifty one more words, that's another thing, you have to spell out all numbers and you can not use contractions. It's soooo hard!!!!!

Twenty nine e's in that paragraph.

Song Lyrics are From:
"Can't Be Saved" by Senses Fail.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Carress the one, the hiding amaranth, in the land, of the daybreak

I just got back from Musical practice which i was late too because of a doctor's appointment. I love musical. Its so fun. So, um, what to talk about, what to talk about? Well Tuesday was a pretty exciting day. Tomorrow we switch schedules. I go to creative writing and BOY am I happy Oceanography is over. WHOO WEE.

I don't know what else to talk about so I will just stop now.

Song Lyrics are From:
"Amaranth" by Nightwish (ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME BANDS EVER.)

Friday, January 16, 2009

I'm worth more than an X, more than a toe tagged generation full of regrets, I won't settle no, i can't settle.

OH MY GOD! Haha, Saner must be deaf or something because last period, Angela accidentally called my phone and I had it on ringtone without realizing it. It was so loud. It was playing "Angel" by Natasha Beddingfield And I shoved the phone as hard as I could into my leg until it hung up on her but it was really loud and then my phone tried to call her back! OH MY GAWD!

Ok, anyways, I thought i got a really bad grade on my Trignometry midterm and I actually got an 80%!!!! I am so happy.

That's all I have to say for now. WOOP WOOP!

Song lyrics from:
"Fingerprints" by Katy Perry

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I'm sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking through spiderwebs

Musical rehearsal today. People were being obnoxious about it. Yea, I have never been in musical before but I know what I'm doing I don't need you screaming at me. I can figure things out on my own or you can talk to me calmly. Those are the only two options, because screaming at me is not going to get you anywhere. Oh, and just because you have one line or you sing one little part that i don't get to sing, doesn't make you so much better than me. You're just being a serious jerk.

I like musical, I like going to practice. I have fun. That's what Masser told us to do was to have fun with it but when people are constantly screaming at me and acting like I'm stupid just because I can't get a dance right the first time, its not so fun anymore.

Ah well, that was my little rant.
Things to live by:
Don't be mean to people. It'll benefit you in the end.
Try Pay It Forward once in awhile. Doing little things for people will make you feel good. Believe it.
Laugh often!
Love much!
Don't dwell on the past
Accept that you are wrong sometimes. Fifty percent of the time, you are, accept it and apologize, the words I'm sorry aren't hard to say.
Say Please and Thank You. AND your welcome. AND Bless you.
Don't swear...often.
Have Fun at Musical and ignore the 'I'm so much better than you are' people because in reality they have two eyes, two hands, two legs, two feet, ten fingers and toes just like you do...unless they have some kind of freakish mutation.
Smile at everyone, even the people you secretly hate.

Song Lyrics from:
Spiderwebs by No Doubt.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm leaving my fingerprints, I'm leaving my fingerprints, I'm leaving my fingerprints on you.

I just got back from Brendon's. He taught me pool or atleast attempted too. I played with Butters, Andy's puppy. My lip itches. I am having alot of fun with Musical, but I am sincerely glad that we have two months to work on it because I am not good with the whole dancing and singing thing. I'm not a multitasker even though they say women are supposed to be great at that kind of thing, I am not at all. That was more than six sentences. Yay.

Song Lyrics from:
"Fingerprints" by Katy Perry

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A part of who i used to be is screaming out "Someone someone please, shine a light through the black and wade through the depths and bring me back!"

Relationships are difficult. Hearts are easily broken. Girls are easily hurt. Men don't tread softly on their feelings. Remember when you've got a great boyfriend and he gives you a chance to clear the slate, take it. You were wrong. You were always wrong and you will always be wrong, accept it, accept it, accept it. I heard that if you say things three times, its good luck. Knock on wood. OW. I hurt my knuckles.
I am a clean slate. A clean slate of emotion. I have no emotion. I am a robot. Screw emotion. All it does is make things difficult.

Song Lyrics from:
"I Need You" by Relient K

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Shake the glitter, shake, shake the glitter

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in FORGET ABOUT THE BOY!!!!!!! yes, some girl named Jess quit so I got the part as a singing file clerk!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooooooooooo happy!!!!!! I need two more sentences for this to be counted as a blog. Now I only need one. Ok, now I don't need any. YAY!

Song Lyrics are from:
"Waking Up In Vegas" By Katy Perry.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A cloud hangs over and mutes my happiness.

I'm in four scenes of the musical. I'm in the nuttycracker suite, the steinographer thing, the opening and I think another one yet. Yup, of course Anna's still complaining about having a speaking part when she wanted a lead and I really just want to punch her. Yea. That looks like enough, lets call it quits for today on the blog.

Song lyrics are from:
"Anna Molly" By Incubus

I pour my heart out, reconstruct and in the end its nothing but a shell of what I had when i first started

In case you haven't noticed I have taken to putting song lyrics as the titles to every blog. Its whatever song i happen to be listening to at the time. "It started out as a feeling" is from "The Call" by Regina Spektor. "That's what you get when you let your heart win" Is from Paramore's "That's What You Get" and today's title comes to you from Relient K's "Devastation and Reform". All the titles of course have to do with what I'm blogging about too.

Well, yesterday's blogs can be explained in three words: It was complicated.

That phrase is tragically over used. Normally people just say that to make it seem like more than it was. This time I'm using it basically because I really don't want to talk about it. Things are ok now. Four hours on the phone you'd think would solve anybody's problem. But yeah, things are fine now if anyone cared enough to read my previous posts.

Monday, January 5, 2009

That's what you get when you let your heart win, I suppose

Title says it all. Previous post explains little of the complication. It's complicated, an over used phrase I know, but this time it applies. Its just how could he just PRETEND nothing happened? Does he know what it even feels like to worry? To be scared? Has he ever felt that way? Does he know? I want to shake him, shake him so hard and ask him exactly what his malfunction is. Mostly I just want to shake him, hit him because he scared me. He scared alot of people and he doesn't even care?!?

Just because i didn't say it to you, do you honestly think that gives you permission not to say it to me? What do those three little words even mean to you anyway?

I'm probably just physchotic. That's probably what they'll all tell me.

And that's exactly why, I'm not telling them.

It started out as a feeling

Ugh, today has been so bad. I haven't cried in so long but i sat here in front of my computer and just broke down. Have you ever just wanted to be angry so bad but you couldn't be because everytime you saw that person you couldn't be angry, they mean too much to you for you to be angry with them?

Have you ever wanted so bad to just hit someone and kick them and hurt them until they feel as bad as you do? Have you ever?

Have you ever been angry in secret because its the only thing you can do?

Have you ever known that what someone said is a load of poop but you still believed them anyway?

God, have you ever hurt as much as I do right now?

Have you ever discovered that you don't have the emotional stregnth to deal with so much stuff at once?

I have.

It sucks, all of it.