Aw, you guys are so sweet

Amanda and Ben are atleast. They made me smile. See, I don't actually see myself as a nice person. Now, I'm going to ask something else of you. And if you do it, I need you to do it and pretend that I don't have feelings when you do ok?

I want you to evaluate my faults. What do I do that you see as wrong? What cracks are in the foundation that is me? Am I stubborn? Do I have an easy to set off temper? Am I too dramatic? Am I sensitive? Am I easy to hurt? Evaluate my faults. Do it NOW

An evaluation of Erin Howie (Nick, Ben, Amanda, Lisa READ)

"I don't see how anyone couldn't like you."
"When I met you I just wanted to tell you everything."
"When I first met you, I liked you right away."
"You aren't hard to get to know at all."

I have heard these and variations of these statements all my life. Why people feel that way towards me, I have no idea. I don't know what it is about me. I would like you to tell me, each of you, Nick, Ben, Amanda, Lisa and anyone else who follows this blog that can call themselves my friend, to evaluate me.

What did you feel when you first met me?
Am I hard to get to know?
Do I "wear my heart on my sleeve"?
Am I easy to talk to?
Evaluate me as a person, my personality, everything, what is your evaluation of Erin Howie?

Life

Sometimes, I think I'd have been better off without the pain, but every step, even the painful ones that left me bleeding, every last step was toward you. I just didn't realize, never once. And, he, M.S.C, led me every step of the way, I just didn't know it was him. That whisper in the wind. The invisible arms that held me together when all I wanted to do was fall apart. He may have left the earth, but he never once left you. Honey, he had to go, because he knew he had a more important job, to lead a very broken girl to a better life. With you.

Purumupanqui (or "moo" for short)

If you don't know about the title. Ask me if you can see "moo". I'll tell you his story then and if you're lucky, I'll let you touch him.

Anyway, my uncle called last night and my mom called me into the living room and she made it sound so serious. I seriously thought we were about to have the sex/alcohol/drugs/boys are stupid talk but she just wanted to tell me what my uncle was planning for me. He plans to take me:
~ Out on Lake Norman
~ To the Beach
~ To Carowinds (If you've never been there go here)
~ To the Mountains
~ SHOPPING
~ Taking me to the bar
~ Taking me out to eat

And much more. I'll be alone at the house on the weekends, but don't worry. They have two huge dogs and one little dog AND a FREAKING SECURITY SYSTEM. Yeah, I'll be protected.

I'll be gone for fourteen days exactly. We leave on the sixth of July, go down to my dad's side of the family to celebrate my dad's birthday and pick up my little sister, then on the eighth, they're leaving me with my uncle and they leave North Carolina entirely. Then i go back home on the eighteenth. Soooo...are you gonna miss me? Are you? ARE YOU?

Heaven

So, I'm reading "The Lovely Bones" and its about this girl who gets molested, cut up into pieces and yeah, but her soul leaves her body and she goes to Heaven. And it got me thinking, how do I see heaven?

When I was little I always used to think that when you prayed, there were angels answering telephones up in heaven. I know its stupid and yeah I know....I'm cute.

Heaven is supposed to be the ultimate paradise. When I think of heaven, I think of golden roads and beautiful buildings. I think about how you get whatever you want as soon as you desire it. Puppies and icecream and there is never any pain in heaven and everyone is happy and is singing and dancing. You can do whatever you want and the roads never end. I always thought you started off as just an angel and then you get promoted up and soon enough, you could be a guardian angel and you could go back down to earth and protect people, that you could even show your self once in awhile to someone you know really needs you. I mean, why not, Jesus could do it. WWJD, what would jesus do, he'd show himself to the people he loves (I guess technically that's everyone) I also think that you could sit on a cloud and just watch people.
Brendon's grandparents are super religious and he told me that there are no relationships in Heaven but I don't believe that. I believe that while in Heaven you can be with whoever you want and no one gets jealous or protective. Because if Heaven is the ultimate paradise then I'm sure that if you want to be with someone, you're allowed to be with them.

I don't know, I probably just sounded like a severe dork but that's what I think when I think of heaven. What do you think when you think of Heaven?

How many embarassing things can I do?

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FML FML FML Ugh, I pretty much fail at life. I dumped my tray all over FML FML FML
FML FML FML the place in the cafeteria. It was so embarassing. And that's FML FML FML
FML FML FML not even the worst that I have done this week. I love being FML FML FML
FML FML FML embarassed beyond belief and then having your "Friends" FML FML FML
FML FML FML pick on you about it. I love "friends" in general. Ugh. Ok. FML FML FML
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If you stare at that long enough, the 'm' starts to look backwards.

And if you're ever lonely, you don't have to be. After all its only a beat away from you to me

So, you all are going to miss me. Or, you'd better. I'm not going to be around at all for the majority of July. First week I'm going down to Virginia Beach with the family. Second week, I'm going down to North Carolina to stay with my Uncle for a week. Third week I have band camp. CRAP, I don't have enough time to type anything else.