Sunday, March 22, 2009

Unnecessary Doubt

So, this is a me feeling sorry for myself blog. If you don't want to hear it...go away, get off my blog.

This only happened because I'm an idiot. People, including my mother, think its a love triangle. Its not. Not everyone loves each other. Two people love the same person but she can only return the love to one person. She doesn't have two hearts. I mean, sure, one is like a brother to her, but the other loves her and she loves him. They have a bond that can't be broken...but the other boy, he doesn't think so. So she...she did something stupid. She told her boyfriend what the other boy said. This is where we come to the title. She isn't doubting anything, she never will. She knows her boyfriend loves her. Its her boyfriend who doubts. Its her boyfriend who is now afraid that if he doesn't tell her he loves her enough in one day, she'll leave him for the other boy. Her boyfriend won't admit it, but she knows. She knows him better than she knows herself. She told him she doesn't have any feelings for the other boy mutiple times. He says he knows but then that doesn't explain why he's acting this way, why in every STINKEN phone call, he has to bring the whole FREAKING situation back up again when its done and over. She's afraid of what he sees when she and the other boy walk beside each other. Does he see friendship or does he visualize something more that isn't really there? How do you reverse things? How does she make things okay again and not so awkward? She told him to stop it, she told him that she only has eyes for him. Then he started asking stupid questions. "Do you think he's cute?" "Come on, I know you do." She tells him to shut up. She hopes this will just stop, it will just blow over, eventually like everything does. But will it? Will it really or will it just be a neverending vicious "WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO DATE HIM IF I'M SO HORRIBLE?" thing everytime they have a tiny baby fight over the stupid things they usually fight about?

Everything will come clear with time she supposes but she doesn't know how to handle this. She has enough stress in her life to begin with. Do you know she actually monitors what she wears when her boyfriend isn't around because she's afraid that other boy is going to mistake it as a come on to him but it isn't, NOTHING IS. She wishes she never opened her big mouth.

Its all her fault...nobody else's. Not that other boy, no one but herself.

No one's fault...but her own.

She messes up her own happiness, time and time again. She's the only person that stands in the way of her own happiness. That's pretty pathetic.

Ugh...if you read this whole thing, sorry I even posted it, i just needed to get things off my chest. I don't feel better. Where are the chocolate doughnuts? They always help me feel better.

1 comment:

B.D.C said...

Wow... That whole situation sucks. I'm sure the other boy probably feels horrible for putting unnecessary doubt into the relationship. He probably didn't mean to add stress to her life, and wishes only for her happiness.

There's no way to reverse things. There's no way to make things less awkward. Time can help, but there's a very small chance that time will only make things worse. I wish I could give you the answers you're looking for, but I don't know what everybody is thinking or how they feel.

I completely understand why you posted this. You may not feel better right away, but after a day or two, you'll probably be glad you posted it.

If you need to talk to anybody, I'm only a phone call away.