Friday, April 17, 2009

The 150th post

I'd celebrate, but right now I feel like throwing up.

I love having to lie to keep people from worrying about me. I don't want people to worry so I tell them I'm getting better. Even though things are still the same, one part of me is getting better, another part isn't and its still the same way it was before. Its not getting worse. Ok, the headaches, the nausea, those are side effects I could live without. The constant fatigue, the fever I get as soon as I catch a cold, the blood drawing, I could live without as well. I wish they could just figure out what's really the matter with me. Because apparently, the thing they are treating isn't the only thing that's wrong.

And yet, I sit here in front of you and tell you, "Yeah, I feel so much better. And yeah, it stopped doing that. Don't I look good?"

Just because the pills clear up acne and make my hair look pretty doesn't mean I'm getting better. Things hurt where there are no bruises. I'm sore, I'm tired, and I'm working which makes it worse.

But, I'm fine. I'm okay. Don't worry.

5 comments:

personality: unique said...

Hey! Your friends are allowed to worry about you. We love you!

Erin said...

I just...I'm fine. I'll be fine

B.D.C said...

I agree with Amanda. As your friends, we have a right to worry about you.

Erin said...

Which means you want to know what's going on?

B.D.C said...

yup