Wednesday, April 22, 2009

No longer a mushroom

Random title. Yup, am I going to explain it? nah.

I am so hyper today, but like at the same time I'm not. Kind of like being drunk and having a hangover at the same time? Yes I know, I'm nuts. Amanda already told me that when I started laughing hysterically because the guy on Hinkle's games can crap bombs. To me that was F***ing hilarious. And I had chorus this morning. And chorus always cheers me up because I sit beside Angela, we make sexual remakes of all the songs and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and Yeah.

So last night, oh boy that was fun. I'm pretty much frightened of someone who I trust pretty much with my life, doesn't that sound complicated? I trust him with my life but he has now officially scared the P!ss out of me. And then I left the whole ordeal feeling like it was my fault and I'm praying he doesn't read this because me blaming myself for things brings the angry part of him back out and right there I kind of blamed myself. Well, ok, technically it was my fault, I kinda accidentally on purpose ticked him off to the breaking point because i know him, he wasn't going to feel better until he let his true feelings out. And he wasn't so I pretty much made him, so I guess I really asked for it and he only gave me what I asked for but I had no idea there was so much about me he didn't like, okay, "didn't like" doesn't even cover it, I didn't know there was so much about me he hates. So now, I'm Erin the monitor, I will not say or do things I know make him angry, because he's frightening, so I'm every bit the scared little girl right now, the scared little girl too afraid to jump in the mud because she's afraid someone's going to yell at her and maybe smack her. Yup, i suck at analogies. Leave me alone.

Again, if you are reading this. I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY that I blamed myself in the above paragraph, please don't get mad.

1 comment:

B.D.C said...

Granted, there are some things you do that he doesn't like, such as blaming yourself for every little thing that goes wrong in your life, but that doesn't mean you should have to watch what you say and do. He realizes that he was frightening, and he feels horrible for scaring you, but he will never blow up like that again.

A part of him wants to comfort you and say that it wasn't your fault, and then another part is saying to just let you feel sorry because it was technically your fault. He just wants you to know that he forgives you, and that he's sorry for being so frightening and mean.