Monday, April 20, 2009

I love...

boyfriend troubles. I love how he can turn everything I say around to bite me in the butt and making it sound like I'm blaming him for something. I love crying on the phone and him not caring. I love not knowing where our relationship stands. I love knowing I shouldn't have to put up with that but not being able to say anything to defend myself because if I do, he'll just turn it around so that once again, I'm the bad person and I'm the one groveling and crying and telling him I'm sorry, when nothings my fault.I love how he just pretends like nothing happened in the morning and that we're great. I love how he wants me to kiss him after all that. I love how he acts like everything is my fault and then turns around and says I'm blaming him when NOT ONCE have I pointed fingers at him. I love how this all started over me asking him not to squeeze my arms and smack my hand because he's leaving bruises. I love how he says I start all the fights and then says I make him feel like a horrible boyfriend. I love how he thinks calling me babe will make it all ok. I love how he snaps "I love you" to get me off the phone. I just love how this relationship has gone to $h!t and....its all my fault...it has to be




I blame myself. Everything is my fault. Maybe if I was nicer. Maybe if I'd just shut up and suck it up. Maybe if I were a better person things wouldn't have turned out this way. But things did turn out this way because I'm a horrible person and god knows it. And he's letting me know by giving me this pain. And its a punnishment, until I stop being a B*****, then and only then it'll all go away. I am a terrible person, horrible, disgusting little squid of a person. I am the scum that scum lies on top of, I'm crusty, rancid, smelly scum. I am because Its my fault things are going wrong with my boyfriend because I treat him like crap. Its my fault what happening to my dog. And I am a terrible TERRIBLE person because I am making someone who means alot to me stay even though I don't return the same feelings and I just suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK,SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUCK, SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK




I suck and god knows it.

1 comment:

B.D.C said...

None of it is you're fault, and you are not a horrible person. You're the kindest, sweetest, and most wonderful person I've ever known, and you don't deserve any of the pain you're feeling.

And you aren't making him stay. He is staying because he wants to. He will always be there for you, no matter what.